Donald Wilhelm

Note: Please Visit this link for an update on Donald Wilhelm.  Order a copy of his book today!

This Times a Charm is a book written by Donald Wilhelm a four time Cancer Survivor. Somehow I stumbled upon Donald’s site and became intrigued by his story. Fight Pink is always looking for inspirational stories to showcase on our site, not only Breast cancer stories, but stories that touch people…engage people and make a difference!

We thought that we would do something different on this blog tour, and ask Donald some questions, interview him. Below is the interview that I had with Donald after reading his book.  Donald’s book is raw, uncensored, and full of truth, with no sugar coating!  He leaves nothing out including his feelings during treatment, his ability to be an inspiration to other cancer patients, and how he chose to survive by walking away from “traditional” treatments, and truly live his life.

Fight Pink: One thing that really stood out to me was that you really never jumped on the whole Religious bandwagon. So many times when we are faced with the possibility of our own mortality, we tend to as humans turn to the light, in a sense…turn to religion to be our crutch. You didn’t talk about it that much. Why?

Donald: I am a spiritual person, but not religious. I’m a Buddhist and I didn’t want to alienate any readers with my particular religious beliefs. My goal was to provide relevant, easy-to-digest experiences to others touched by cancer so that they could hopefully learn from my mistakes. I’m personally not a fan of folks who use their influences to promote a religious agenda.

Fight Pink: I was totally floored when your first wife left. I don’t blame her of course, because some people just can’t handle things. I on the other hand, am one to totally take charge in these types of situations. I am the strong one. You had to be the strong one, when she left, and throughout your whole cancer journey because you were alone. How does that make you feel about yourself today?

Donald: Fantastic question Stacy! I have zero regrets about anything in my life, including how that whole relationship went down. Sara (not her real name) did what she needed to do to protect herself emotionally. Cancer is a wicked-bad affliction that topples many lives. I wish her and her new family nothing but the best. I am in the best place in life possible at this point, so how could I regret a path that got me here?

Fight Pink: You really can’t. I believe that its the trials and tribulations in life that make us who we are today, along with the joy.  My next question is: When we have beaten Cancer once, we get the message, take care of ourselves…eat right, sleep enough. You decided to party it up, why?? Why when you were in “intermission” did you loose your mind and party like it was 1999 all over again?

Donald: I think it stems from an emotional condition I call “Borrowed Time.” (see my new blog on this same topic.) For me, there’s a fine line between feeling like you’ve received a second, third or fourth chance, and not believing or caring that you have a future. It’s an extreme form of depression, I know that now. But it’s an insipid growth that starts small and eventually takes over your life. That is why I wrote Chapter 11 to be SO controversial and impacting. I wanted to grab the reader’s attention and make them aware to be on the lookout for these kinds of behaviors.

Fight Pink: Yes, that makes sense to me then. It’s good that you can touch on that time in your journey even knowing that it would be so controversial and impacting. While reading your first few chapters, you said a really amazing statement: “Fear is a wheelbarrow full of wet sand, that will extinguish the best-intended blazes in your heart.” This is my favorite quote in your book. Tell me was it fear that made you compartmentalize all of your emotions into a closet in the basement of your subconscious?

Donald :Yes, I believe it was. Fear stems from the questions that we ask ourselves on a continual basis. I was constantly asking myself damaging questions like, “Am I going to die? Is my cancer back? Will I lose my hair? Will she leave me? Why should I even bother to try?” Now I know how, after many years of practice, to interrupt those negative thought patterns and replace them with positive, more affirming thoughts like, “What can I learn from this person or experience? What am I willing to do today to ensure my own success.” Things like that.

Fight Pink: Well it is good to always be aware of your thought patterns, and how they affect you emotionally. To be able to take that incessant negative chatter, and turn those into positive feeling thoughts really makes a difference. One thing that I really liked about your book, as well as you is your sense of humor. When you were talking to Martin about “all you have to do is get that last injection in your tongue, and you can go home” and again when you were talking to the resident and you joked with her about not knowing you had cancer….. (Which cracked me up by the way, I was laughing hard.) Was it your sense of humor that got you through some of the worst times, and why?

Donald: I really use my sense of humor to get me through every day of my life. I find it eases my tensions if I can poke fun at a tenseful situation. After all, we’re all here in this life to learn certain lessons. Why not have a good time while we learn them?

Fight Pink: I honestly like that point of view!  Most of us really don’ t like to deal with anything that we don’t like. Paying bills, call the IRS, Cleaning the house, doing laundry….having chemo, blood tests, Stem Cell transplants etc. I find, that honestly, you have to do it.  When you think you can’t take one more test, one more doctor’s appointment, one more needle stick..you have to do it. I remember almost a feeling of “My body isn’t my own” feeling..because I just had to do all of these foreign things to stay alive. You get to a point where you almost disconnect from you–you know what I mean? But you can never go to far away, because we then loose ourselves. We let someone else drive our bus, so to speak. When you got to the point where you said “ENOUGH is ENOUGH” was that a feeling of finally just deciding to take control of you, find yourself again??

Donald: Yes. I reached that point during my fourth go-round with cancer. I finally decided that I would suffer the consequences of not seeking treatment any more. I felt like I knew my body better than my doctors did and that the chemo and other treatments was just keeping me tied to my disease. I believe that healing is far more mental/emotional than it is physical. So I stopped all treatments and went out on my own. Now, please note, I am in no way recommending that approach for anyone else. It was a personal decision, based on my own preferences and priorities. I highly recommend that everyone who’s been diagnosed with cancer find a competent oncologist and do what they say! That being said, make sure you do your own homework and are an active participant in your own treatment. You summarized my emotional growth to a “T.” It’s easy for me to analyze my mistakes now that I’m on the other side of them, but at the time I was simply to close to the tree to see the forest.

Fight Pink: As I am going to through my mind, listing your steps through your cancer journey…you seem to have run the gambit. I read it this way: Initially you were sick, you knew that you would have to be active in your treatment decisions, and not just sit back and let someone else dictate your treatment plan. Once you beat it, you decided to just move forward and live your life etc. Then you became sick again, and your x left you.  You then went through the bone marrow transplant….and to me, after that, all things just went crazy. You didn’t look at a future, and you didn’t seem to care. You had a second chance. But you lived your life in the fast lane, when you should have been moving in the slow lane, and taking time at the rest stops. Then you got sick again…This is where I saw a huge shift in your actual consciousness. You realized that you had to take control. You had to deal with all of your fears and all of your “neatly tucked in” anxieties about life, and death, and marriage, and relationships….and make that choice to actually LIVE your LIFE. I know that this contributed to you being alive today. Have you ever asked yourself why? Why did this happen to me? When you looked within…what answer did you find?

Donald: I may have asked myself, “Why me?” at times, but that would have been very rare for me. In the beginning I probably did more often, but as time went by I fully realized that it didn’t matter why it happened to me, and furthermore, no one was ever going to answer that question for me. I simply put my head down and did what I had to do to survive. But now, I do more than that. I finally have the missing piece. It’s not that I don’t care if I have a future now, because I do. But what I’ve come to realize is that I have little actual control over factors such as longevity. You simply have to enjoy the time and experiences you get, as they occur. There may not be time to go back and appreciate them later. I heard a quote once that I really like: “Measure your life by the depth, not the length.”

Fight Pink :  That is so profound, and for you to be able to do that took a great amount of courage, or faith, or maybe… knowing.  Just knowing that you needed to take control of you, and not let cancer take control.  Knowing that you have little control over outside influences, but knowing that you needed to do this for you, honestly is intriguing.  My last question: What did cancer introduce to you?

Donald: Cancer sent me a journey to learn how to love myself, life and all others without having to stop and tell myself to do it. Life is finite. We have experiences to learn while we’re here. No one’s experiences will be the same as another’s. Revel in your learning and appreciate life as the ultimate teacher.

Fight Pink: Thank you Donald for helping Fight Pink and our readers follow you on your Cancer journey!

The Blog Book tour continues tomorrow with Tina Koral and her Blog Cancer Book Review.   ”This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule is below:

2/16/09 www.fightpink.org  Stacy Martello
2/17/09 www.cancerbookreview.blogspot.com  Tina Koral
2/18/09 www.uniboobclub.blogspot.com Christina Olachia
2/19/09 www.moutray.wordpress.com  Chad Moutray
2/20/09 www.makesomelemondae.com  Gena Womack
2/21/09 www.awesomecancersurvivor.com  Alicia Staley
2/23/09 www.serendipityfactory.com Traci McLaughlin
2/24/09 www.everythingchangesbook.com Kairol Rosenthal
2/25/09 www.cancercornerlive.blogspot.com  Bob Grayson
2/27/09 www.appendix-cancer.blogspot.com Carolyn Langlie-Lesnik
2/28/09 www.imtooyoungforthis.org Mel Majoros
03/1/09 www.route53.wordpress.com Erik Hom

Note: Please Visit this link for an update on Donald Wilhelm.  Order a copy of his book today!

Stacy Martello