Breast Cancer vs. Relationships

After a breast cancer diagnosis a relationship is tested and tried in a variety of ways.  It does not matter on the surgery chosen by the woman she initially feels insecurity and questions and thoughts haunt her brain on how will I ever deal with all of this, please my spouse, and will I even be here to worry about any of the above?  For some the haunting question will fade while in others they turn into spider webs in the brain that never leave.

Looking for answers on how to deal and heal healthily I was given, Getting Your Groove Back: For Women in Partnered Relationships, by: Erin Hoschouer-Lapham.

While reading through this transcript I realized I should take notes and implement the techniques used and suggested. Erin starts off with how we really need to know ourselves and how others view us to be successful.  She puts in a little quiz to guide you along.  Next she shares how the bottom line is communication.  A couple needs to communicate. I initially thought heck, I communicate everyday with my spouse but not on the level at which she was about to introduce.  To be honest her communication is quite scary and the same reason up until this point I have justified in my head as to why I do not have to deal with this in my own relationship. 

The communication she speaks of is open and honest.  Erica says you should communicate during alone time with your spouse, one where you can give a 100% attention to your spouse, not a time when you the kids are up, right before intimacy or in the midst of an argument.  Continually she shares to add some spice. Here is the scary part to me.  I can dream about spice daily, but putting it into my own life is a completely different situation. She continues it does not have to be a serious thing.  The conversation can be over a dinner where you roll a die and take turns sharing what makes you feel good and what you enjoy in consideration to intimacy.  I would add a glass of wine might help with the situation and to calm the nerves. It might even put you in a bit of mood and release some of the pressure we as women put on ourselves. 

The transcript also talks about foreplay being extremely important into getting back to your intimate self.  Intimacy is not a place in which you should feel you have to perform.  The pressure of performance itself can be enough to put a stop to it all.  Another wonderful thing addressed and shared are personal experiences for how this can play out in your life.  If anyone out there is anything like me, this is the very thing, which makes it all click.  The real life situations shared.  How can you make something that has totally changed the image of yourself into a sexy and sassy experience?

Simple, it is all about boundary setting and taking the pressure off of you to perform.  For starters how about candle light bubble baths? Putting a blindfold on your spouse and dust yourself with Dust Me Pink, which is an edible powder?  Erica continually says it is not always about the breast.  A couple needs to continually communicate with each other so together they can find the new normal.  It is all about trying things out together and trusting if it does not work than you can try something new until you find the things that work.  In the process both partners will realize it is not always about the breast.  Both partners will learn how to pleasure the other in new ways that are not centered on the breasts.

It also addresses the concerns of women whom have finished chemotherapy and experience vaginal dryness.  Her favorite lubricants are the water based and water soluble ones, as they will seep into the skin and help with the dryness in everyday life. 

Gena Womack

About the Author:  Gena Womack is a breast cancer survivor, as well as a teacher and author of the blog Make Some Lemonade.  Gena is a new freelance contributing author to the Fight Pink site.  Gena has a down to earth, spunky sense about her. We look forward to more articles from her in the future!

Stacy Martello