Brian and Karen

Las Vegas- July 16, 2009–Brian’s wife has Breast Cancer. Below, Brian chronicles his life with his wife while they both take this unexpected journey through Cancer.  Brian would like to share his blog with the world…somehow make a difference and help other Men who are going through the same journey as he is.

Brian’s Blog is heartwarming and informational.  It brings you to the forefront of his journey with Karen.  In one entry called “The Sandra” (the name of the wig she decided on) he says, “for those who have followed Karen through her many hairstyles over the years, you’ve certainly seen this one before. I think this hairstyle is a throw-back to the summer of 2007 — Karen’s “bob” phase. For the next few weeks it will sit perched atop a faceless styrofoam head on the dresser. Waiting.”

Below are his first few entries to his blog, followed by his latest entry.  Please visit his blog at My Wife With Cancer.

Spring Awakening–Rude Awakening

April 15th 2009

It’s spring. The azaleas are blooming with bright pink flowers. The grass is growing greener (well, at least in other people’s yards). The sun is setting later in the evening and warmer weather is near. But this year, spring awakening also brings a rude awakening.

And so it begins….the “journey,” that is. That’s survivor-speak (or so I’ve learned) for people living with cancer. It is not a journey we planned to take. In fact, we don’t even know where we’re going. It may be a long journey and it won’t be fun. But funny things will certainly happen along the way. And I hope to share them here — not only the funny things, but the good, the bad and, now and then, the ugly.

Actually, the journey began just over a month ago, April 8th to be exact, when my wife, Karen, unintentionally grazed a lump in a relatively bony area of her chest just above her left breast. When she came home that day and showed it to me I could feel it, but even scarier, I could actually see a small marble shape just under her skin.

“Where the hell did that come from all of a sudden?” I asked out loud.

“How could you not have noticed it before?” I said. I tried to convince myself that the lump wasn’t actually in or on her breast. After all, it wasn’t in her breast tissue. Or was it?

She replied, “Uh, honey…that’s where my breast would be if I wasn’t 47!” OK, so I felt a little stupid and maybe a bit embarrassed. The least of my worries.

That’s where it began. On a typical spring day in April. And just weeks later I’m using words like “journey”. Ahhhhhh!

THURSDAY, APRIL 16, 2009

To Blog or Not to Blog?…that is the question.

I thought for days about whether to blog about Karen’s cancer “journey”. It would be a first for me — the blogging, and Karen’s cancer, of course. I’m on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, but rarely “update” there. What would I say anyway? Do I really want everyone to know what’s going on in my life? Each day? Each hour? Do they even care? Why would they care?

But this is different. Living with and fighting breast cancer is pretty important. People do care. Karen’s family and friends care. So, by blogging about it I might be able to accomplish several things: 1) Keep our friends and family abreast (pun intended) on Karen’s “journey”. (I can’t get used to using the word “journey”…it’s just weird, but saying “cancer” isn’t exactly easy either); 2) build awareness along the way — girls, remember to “feel your boobies”; and 3) hopefully, share some funny stories, of which Karen will provide an endless supply.

I struggled with a name for the blog. Maybe this would be a lot more interesting if I just titled it, “My Life with Karen.” Anyone who knows Karen, knows that life with her is an adventure all its own. The stories would be so much more interesting and funny. Some stories might even be as scary. “My Wife with Cancer”?? Boring and depressing? Perhaps. But “My Life with Karen” sort of misses the point.

Karen will need to be reminded that this is my blog. Yes, it’s her cancer, but my blog. She’s a born editor and a perfectionist, so she’ll want editing rights. But she’ll have to settle with the rights to strike posts that talk too much about bodily functions (I did say that this blog would include “the good, the bad and the ugly”, didn’t I? After all, this is cancer. Cancer is ugly. Trust me, we’re going to see and hear about the “ugly”).

I’m not sure how this blog will evolve, or whether it will evolve at all. I can’t tell you what it is, but I can tell you what it isn’t:

– It’s not a blow-by-blow account of every up and down of this “journey.”

– It’s not a woe-is-me/us drama (everyone has a cross to bear at some point; this is ours).

– It’s not a breast cancer crusade (though if it helps bring more attention, great).

– It might not always be medically accurate (I’m not a doctor and this is complicated stuff).

– It’s not all about Karen (what?!?!). OK…mostly about Karen.

I have no idea where this will go or whether I will even stick it out (the blogging that is…Karen and the cancer are locked in for the duration). You’re welcome to tune in or tune out. It’s your choice.

Monday July 15, 2009

Karen’s Hair: A Retrospective

Let me be clear: Karen hates her hair. Or at least that’s what it seems when she curses it most mornings in front of the mirror. (Let’s also be clear: she doesn’t hate it enough to lose it all…and she hasn’t lost it yet).

Wielding a blow dryer in one hand and juggling four different brushes in the other, she twirls it, twists it and bends it into shape. No fewer than five styling products stand at the ready for spritzing, pouffing, glossing, shining, straightening and spraying.

The 30 minute ritual is repeated every morning and it’s a good idea to steer clear of her during this time — especially when she’s got a hot curling iron in her hand.

For Karen, the road to perfect hair is littered with stylists who have cut her bangs too short, left color on too long (resulting in an interesting magenta hue), didn’t cut enough or, God help them, cut too much. From high-end salons in Washington, DC to a “stylist’s” salon in his converted kitchen, Karen has gone from the pixie to the page boy and many bobs (hair, not men) in between.

Chae, Ito, Daniel, Roe, Joseph, Ginger, David, Harold, Martine and Joe (to name a few): All but one has been handed their scissors and sent packing like a beauty school drop-out.
One of chemo’s most cruel punishments is the loss of hair. For women, it is a devastating blow, feared more than almost any side effect inflicted by the cancer treatment. Karen will be no exception. But so far — her hair still firmly rooted as she waits for the chemo to ravage her normal healthy cells — she has managed to keep on her game face. And thankfully, she still has a sense of humor. That’s why Karen allowed me to “produce” this “Hair Retrospective” of her many, many hairstyles over the years. As she nears the day that she will bid farewell to her tresses for a while, you are invited to join us in paying tribute to her hair story.

Please visit Brian’s Blog to follow his story as a Breast Cancer Husband.