I’m Deb, a 5 year 4 month breast cancer survivor. I first found my lump in 2001 while performing a SBE.

Having a history of cystic breasts, whenever I found anything, it did not concern me. However, this particular day, my husband was channel surfing and stopped on channel nine news and Andrea Roane was doing her Buddy Check 9 segment to remind women to do their self-breast exam. For a reason that I can only give credit to God, I laid the book down I was reading and started examining my right breast.

I was about to stop when I felt this very hard, unmovable “Something” at the 10 o’clock region of my breast.

A fear unlike any I have ever felt went through me. I examined the other breast and it felt ok. I did not say anything to my husband but called my GYN the next morning and was in the following day. She said she did not feel anything and I guided her hand to where it was, but again she said it was nothing and the other breast felt the same. She also said that since I had “No family history of breast cancer” I had “Nothing to worry about.” I went for my diagnostic mammogram, which did not show anything. So on with my life I went.

I was very busy working full time and going to school working towards my nursing degree, so the “Nothing” went out of my mind. Then in 2002, again, while lying on the couch reading and my husband channel surfing, (see a pattern here, LOL) he stopped on 9 news and again Andrea Roane was doing her Buddy Check 9 segment. Now let me just say that for about 10 months I had been running low-grade temperatures, feeling like my body was constantly fighting something, going to my family doctor several times, having many tests done, all normal, and no answers. I began to think I was a hypochondriac.

Anyway, my left hand went right to the spot I had found the lump a year earlier and this time the fear was worse than before, griped me, and would not let go.

Not only was it still there, it was bigger. In addition, during that year my right breast had grown almost two-cup sizes. I had also been dealing with itching of just the right areola for many years, which my GYN attributed to hormones. So back to her I went and again she said she felt nothing, the growth of my breast was due to “Hormones” as well as the itching. She ordered another mammogram but this time she ordered a sonogram as well which was my saving grace. So a week later I went in for both.

I was told by Chris, the mammography technologist, that the radiologist was out sick so if I get a call to come back not to be scared.

She said this as the sono tech was taking what seemed like tones of pictures and other than Chris saying that, it was so quiet in that room you could have heard a pin drop. I left and went on home. My husband asked me if they found anything and I said the mammogram was negative but they would not give me the results of the sonogram.

I did not share with him what Chris said, as I just did not want him to worry. I mean, at this point I still did not know anything. This was a Thursday. Friday, no call so I thought all was OK.  Monday, January 2003, at 8am I received a call from Chris asking me to come in for more films around noon. My husband was home and offered to go with me but just felt as if I needed to go alone but I cannot tell you why. Anyway, Chris had me in positions she said she had never had any one in before, trying to get the mass to show on mammogram.

Finally, she was able to get part of it. See, it was flat against my chest wall and high up in the part of the breast that they usually do not get on mommo.

Then I was escorted into the sono room which I had no idea I was having another one. Once I was on the table, the radiologist came into the room. When the mass was found he shook his head and said; “Mrs. Russell, you need to have a biopsy as soon as possible.” I just felt numb. I asked him if he thought it was cancer and he said that he prayed he was wrong but was very sure it was but only a biopsy would tell for sure. On the drive home, so many things went through my head and I knew I needed to tell my husband, but only him, as I did not see the need to worry our son or the rest of the family if it turned out to be benign.

I was referred to Dr. Roache who is a wonderful surgeon and the first words out of his mouth when he came into the exam room was; “I bet you’re scared to death.”

To be honest, I was still numb. I think I shook my head yes but will not swear to it. He said he looked at the films and I asked if he thought it was cancer. He was silent for a minute and with slow thought-out words, he said that he did think it was indeed cancer but also said he had been wrong before and hoped he was this time. However, the look on his face told me he truly believed it to be cancer. After asking tons of questions followed by a breast exam, he explained that I would be undergoing allot of testing and a biopsy. I felt like I was in a tunnel at this point. About 4 days later, he called me at home to tell me he was very happy that my CA-125 and CEA were within normal limits. I hung up the phone and shared the news with my husband. It was at this point he felt I should tell the family. I agreed, but not our son. My family as well as my husbands, was so supportive it was almost overwhelming. I still attended my A&P class as I was hoping to petition for the nursing program in the fall and working full time and attending Wednesday night bible study. I think that was a saving grace for me because I did not have a lot of time to think about it.

I went for the steriotactic biopsy and told the mass was benign. I was so relived yet uncertain of the results.

See, when I positioned for the biopsy, they drilled just to the left of the mass. Just before they began the drilling, I moved my head and I guess I also moved my breast as well. When they were done, my surgeon asked me if I moved and I said that I had raised my head but that was it. I said to Dr. Roache that I felt they went in the wrong place and he said that with the follow-up mammogram it would show where the clip was. So, after about three weeks of waiting for the swelling to go down to confirm the placement of the clip, I went for the mammogram. I learned that the clip was “Not” in the right place. I was then scheduled for a needle-guided biopsy. Dr. Roache came to my bed in the recovery room and I noticed he had a worried look on his face as he came near. He asked how I was feeling and I told him I was fine and asked him if I moved. He said no but that I sure did snore….LOL. The nurse scolded him but I thought it funny.  My discharge instructions were to see him in one week. Once home my phone did not stop ringing with family and friends checking on me and even on my husband which I appreciated so much that he was not forgotten as he was going though this as well.

I had just hung up the phone when it rang again, only this time it was Betty Lou, the secretary for Dr. Roache. She said, “I was about to give up, I have been trying for over an hour to get through.” She said that the doc wanted me in on Monday.

I said that the instructions were to return in one week. This was only three days away. In my mind, I am thinking that this is a good thing and that he was going to tell me it was benign. So on Monday my husband and I drove to his office. On the drive, it was quiet. However, about 5 minutes before we got there, I began singing Amazing Grace, my husband joining in, and we sang every verse. I knew then what he was going to tell me.

When Doc Rocahe came into the exam room, he sat down and said that it was cancer. My whole body came up off the chair. He said to me, which I thought rather harsh, “Deb, I told you going into this I thought it was cancer.” Well, so what, telling me that and learning that it truly was cancer is two different things. He said he knew it was cancer as soon as he opened me up. We discussed what needed to done and he told us that he had already scheduled me for April 7th for a modified radical mastectomy, only one week away.

The hardest thing I had to do was to call my son Shawn and tell him his mom had cancer. He was so upset and so scared.

He asked me if I was going to be all right and I assured him I was. His wife Dawn asked if I wanted them to come up to help me. They live in Florida and both worked, and had one child at that time and I thanked her but assured her I would be fine but knew they were only a phone call away. They both took off work to be near the phone the day of my surgery so Shawn could stay in contact with his dad. He was so scared and my daughter-in-law was wonderful and supportive, both for my son and for us. He called his sister Victoria and she to stayed by the phone.

The day of my surgery, my pre-op room was full of family and my best friend. I knew how blessed I was and thanked God for each of them. I was also very scared.

When the OR nurse came to get me I asked her if I could keep my underwear on and she said “No!” So I went into the bathroom to take them off and that is when I started to cry. I had fought so hard not to but having to take my underwear off was all it took for the dam to break. To some that may seem offal silly, but to me it just was. So, off to the OR I went.

My final diagnosis after surgery was; Infiltrating ducatal cell carcinoma with extensive duct cell carcinoma insitu, both cribaform and comodome, Her2new positive, ER & PR positive with two lymph nodes positive for cancer out of 22 removed.

On that day, not only were my family and friends there, but my A&P instructor and many of my classmates. They stayed until it was time for class and a few came back later that evening with a beautiful card and flowers. I was back in class one and a half weeks later with my drain still in. I took college algebra, Sociology and psychology during chemotherapy and received A’s in all three. Do you believe that!

Then in January 2007, my 3rd semester of nursing I had my left breast removed as I was having the same itching of the areola that I had with the right breast. They found atypical cells within the ducts. So, it was starting. And even though my surgeon did not think it was anything and that “Hormones” was causing the itching, I knew differently.

God spared me for a reason and I have a passion for other cancer survivors. I have so much in my heart I want to do.

I have made so many survivor friends that had I never had cancer I would have missed knowing these special people. I have chosen to find all the positive I can having had cancer and chemo to try and make myself a better nurse and even a better person, but more importantly, to shout out that we need to take charge of our bodies and stand up for ourselves.

If you think something is wrong and your doctor will not listen, go to another one and keep going until you know for sure you are all right. Because the sooner you are treated the better chance you, have for a long life…

I graduated in January 2008 with my degree in Science, and passed the nursing boards the first time and am now a registered nurse. Most important of all, I want to use my experience with cancer and chemo to bring glory to help others battling this horrible disease. To bring about awareness that 80% of women who develop breast cancer have no family history. To know your body and to take charge of it. In addition, I will never say to a person who has or has had cancer; “Well, you’re still alive!” I had that said to me and in not such a nice way by a nurse working in the infusion center. Until you have walked in my shoes, please do not judge me nor take away my rights to feel what I need to feel in order to heal emotionally as well as physically.

I have many ideas of things I want to do, like make a line of clothes for women who have had bilateral mastectomies, one a MRM and one simple as it changes the shape of your body and it can be hard to find clothes to fit right.

And though I am 52, I still want to look good in my clothes and feel good about myself. But most importantly, I want to see the end of not just breast cancer, but all cancers. That, my friend, is my dream.

Deb